


On The Getaway Mile

by NotThatCactusRen



Series: I'm Not Okay (I Promise) [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Detailed warnings inside, High School, Internalized Acephobia, Internalized Arophobia, M/M, Non-Explicit Dream Sex, Vivisection, dead dove do not eat, explicit dream violence, myspace au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 18:00:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14959383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotThatCactusRen/pseuds/NotThatCactusRen
Summary: Kylo has a nightmare. Hux is there for that.Takes place before Runaway Scars.





	On The Getaway Mile

**Author's Note:**

> See end note for detailed (spoilery) trigger warnings.

Kylo Ren sat bolt upright in bed with a cry that turned to yelp when the stitches in his abdomen pulled.  His breath thickened into sobs, sobs that pulled his wound and made him cry harder. There was no reason to be quiet.  His mother was traveling for work. Han hadn’t been home in a month and wouldn’t have helped if he had been there. Gradually the sobs wracking his body eased, but the terror of the dream and the ache of loneliness would not be put aside.  Kyo pulled his phone from the nightstand and hit redial, expecting his mother. The voice that answered was male, his age, and took him a moment to place. A glance at the screen revealed a missed call from Hux right after Kylo had fallen asleep.

“Kylo?” Hux said, “are you there?”

“I’m here,” Kylo managed, trying to sound like hadn’t been crying and well aware that he was failing miserably.  “Sorry for calling so late.”

“Late?” Hux sounded amused.  “Kylo, it’s five a.m. I’ve only been up for ten minutes.”

“Oh,” Kylo could feel heat rising in his cheeks.

“Kylo, is everything alright?” Hux sounded so gentle, so genuinely concerned, that Kylo felt fresh tears prick at the corner of his eyes.  When he answered his voice was thick and deep.

“I had a bad dream,” Kylo told him, feeling like a child and hating it. “And then I woke up, and I’m all alone, and I needed--I’m sorry to bother you, I just needed…” Kylo trailed off, unable to finish, but Hux did it for him.

“You needed someone to talk to,” Hux said, and it sounded so perfectly reasonable like that, so unlike the twisted mess of fear and shame he was feeling.  It was exactly what he needed to hear. Kylo felt something loosen in his chest and took a deeper breath.

“Yeah,” Kylo said, “if that’s okay.”

“That’s very okay,” Hux said.  “Do you want to tell me what your dream was about? You don’t have to, we can talk about anything at all.” Hux was the _perfect_ person to have called, Kylo realized.  He’d already seen Kylo bleeding and crying, apparently without being put off.  Two more tears welled up and rolled down Kylo’s raw cheeks.

“I think I’d like to talk about it,” Kylo said in a very small voice.

“That’s good.  How did it start?”

“I was in the dark,” Kylo began.  He had thought it would be hard to talk about, but as soon as he opened his mouth the words were surging out.  “It was dark and the air was warm and I was standing in seawater up to my knees. I couldn’t see anything at all, but I could hear the waves striking something and I headed for that.  The water got shallower until I was walking on dry sand. Then something hit me from behind and knocked me down and dragged me through a door that just opened in the darkness. It strapped me into one of those padded chairs they have at the dentist, except this one had cuffs for my wrists and ankles and a strap across my thighs.”  Kylo paused to blow his nose, dreading telling the next bit.

“Sounds unnerving,” Hux said, on the other end of the line.

“Not yet,” Kylo replied.  “That was just the beginning.”

“What happened next?”

“I got a look at what put me in the chair.  It was just a guy, but he had a hoodie and a mask on so I couldn’t see his face.  He starts talking, he said ‘Congratulations, Kylo Ren, I’m here to make your wildest dreams come true.” Kylo sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, willing it to calm his racing heart.  His hand was clammy on his phone.

“Your wildest dreams, huh?” Hux asked, and Kylo had the strange thought that Hux thought he knew where this was going, liked it even.  But that was impossible. “Did he live up to his promise?”

“I’m getting there.  After that, the dude pulls out a knife, and that’s when I get scared.”

“First he uses it to cut my clothes off, but it’s a double edged blade, razor sharp, and he’s not being careful, so I get all cut up.” Kylo paused.  He could leave it there. Hux never needed to know his shame.

Goddamnit, Kylo really wanted Hux to know his shame.

“That’s not the scary part, though.  The scary part is looking at that knife with my blood on it, and knowing that I’ve never been so hard in my life. Bleeding everywhere and not sure I even want him to stop.” Kylo could feel his cheeks burning with the force of his blush, and was desperately grateful not to be doing this in person.

“Poor Kylo,” Hux said, the mocking tone as sudden and caustic as salt in a wound.  Kylo had never heard that tone in the other boy's voice, scorn that had shame building in him side by side with desperate arousal. Lust fed shame and shame fed lust.

“ _Hux,_ ” Kylo said, and it came out a whimper.  

“You poor thing,” Hux repeated, sarcastic, biting, but there was something tentative about it too. “So frightened by what you want. Was there more?” Kylo let out a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding and nodded, realizing only after he'd done it that he was alone in his own room and Hux had no way of seeing.

"There's more."

 “Go on then.”

“At this point I’m not wearing anything but restraints and a hard on, and I can’t look away as the guy cuts down from between my collarbones to just above my dick.” Kylo closed his eyes, reliving the dream for a moment.  “It didn’t really hurt. Nothing really does in my dreams, but there was blood everywhere.” Kylo could hear Hux panting into the phone and wondered if he was even aware of it. The knowledge that Hux had this hidden sharpness was entrancing, heady. 

“I bet you looked so pretty like that,” Hux said, and it made Kylo _shake,_ biting his lip hard to keep in a groan.  It wasn’t something Kylo could picture anyone but Hux saying under the circumstances, and it was perfect.  It was everything Kylo wasn't supposed to want, and he  _ached_.

“Wish I could show you, Hux."

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Hux asked. “If it was just that you would have gone to jerk off, not called me crying.”  It felt so strange to have someone know that, know that he was getting off on that, and it felt so good. Kylo took a deep breath and let it out through his nose.

“There’s more,” he confirmed, then swallowed hard.  “He put one hand inside my chest and the other on my cock and jerked me off with one hand around my heart,” Kylo said.

“Oh,” Hux said, soft and husky, “oh, _Kylo_.” And Kylo had never heard his name spoken like that, like he was the thing Hux wanted most in the world.  

“It was wonderful,” Kylo said, words still falling out of his mouth on their own, “And then he took off his mask and hood and he was me--he had my face.  And he sees me looking and says, ‘you didn’t think anyone else would want a freak like you, did you?” Kylo tried to swallow back fresh tears and failed. On the other end of the line Hux had gone silent, and dread coiled in Kylo’s gut like a venomous snake.

“I can see how that would be upsetting,” Hux said at last, and Kylo thought he sounded sad.  “But Kylo?”

“Yes?”

“I can tell you for a fact that at least one person other than you is into exactly what you’re describing.” Hux said, very quietly.  Kylo thought about that for a moment.

“Oh,” he said when he realized, “You--wow. Okay.”  Kylo could hear Hux laughing. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I have to see you,” Kylo said.

“See me at school,” Hux replied.  “Speaking of which, I have to go get ready still.  Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” Kylo replied. “I’ll see you there.”

“See you there,” Hux replied.  While they’d been speaking the sky outside had been growing lighter.  Now Kylo looked out at the flame orange sunrise and hoped.

 

\------------

 

Kylo Ren was usually one of the last students to arrive on campus on any given day, but not today.  After the early morning conversation with Hux, he had dressed carefully, done his makeup and hair, and taken the earlier bus.  He’d arrived at school with nearly an hour to kill before his first class. The first thing he did was duck into a bathroom to check his eyeliner and his phone.  No new messages. His makeup was fine. His heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his chest, and his eyes in the mirror were just a little wide, giving him a huanted expression.

“This is ridiculous.  You’re ridiculous,” Kylo told his reflection.  “It’s _Hux_. He’s not going to hurt me.”  Kylo bit his lip, tasting pinapple gloss.  “Okay, he might hurt me and I kind of hope he does.”  The door opened to admit a freshman in a school shirt.  The freshman looked at Kylo talking to himself in the mirror and backed right out of the bathroom.  Kylo sighed theatrically, fixed a few strands of hair that didn’t need fixing, and headed for the bleachers where he knew Hux hung out before school.  Kylo spotted the redhead almost immideately alone at the top of the bleachers, nose buried in a textbook. Kylo climbed up and sat down next to him.

“Hello, Kylo,” Hux said without looking up. “If you’ll give me a moment…” he used the pencil in his hand to underline something, then closed the book and tucked it into his bag.  Kylo noted the title as he did so; he was pretty sure _Fundamental Principles of Exploratory Surgery_ was not on their high school’s curriculum.  It gave Kylo a pleasant little waver in the pit of his stomach.

“So, hi!” Kylo said, feeling awkward.  Hux smiled at him. Something twitched in the corner of his mouth a few times, and Kylo thought it was one of the cutest things he had ever seen.  Just like it had happened on the phone earlier, words poured out of him before he could reign them in.

“So I’ve got these feelings where I want someone to cut me up and bone me at the same time, and I kind of got the impression you might be interested in being that person.  And doing things. With me.” Kylo finished talking, realized he was staring at his purple Converse, and resolutely looked back up at Hux. Hux’s expression was strange--one side of his mouth had gone up and the other down, and his eyes were fixed on Kylo’s face.

“I’m definitely interested,” Hux said quietly. “But I’m not sure you know what you’re asking for.”

“Oh?” Kylo asked.  Hux licked his lips.

“My wiring is a little bit...different than most people’s,” Hux began.  “Some of the things I want, some of the things I will do to you if you let me… I will leave marks.  I will leave scars.”

“That is so not a problem,” Kylo said. “I dig scars.”

“You don’t understand.  If I start hurting you and you let me, I’m not sure I‘m going to know when to stop.”

“That is incredibly fucking hot,” Kylo responded, “And also the reason people have safewords.  Mine is safeword, in case you were wondering.” Hux did not seem as reassured by this statement as Kylo had hoped he would be.

“I’m a jealous bastard,” Hux went on.  “I won’t share you with your fans.”

“I’ll just tell them I have a boyfriend now,” Kylo said, feeling greatly daring.

“Boyfriend?” Hux looked startled, then uncomfortable. “Look, Kylo,” he said softly. “I don’t feel things the way a normal person does.  Affection. Love. I’m not really ‘boyfriend’ material. I’m never going to love you, not the way you want.” Kylo studied Hux for a long moment.  It was clear that the redhead meant what he said, and just as clear that it was causing him no small amount of distress.

“Congratulations,” Kylo said. “Without loving me, you drove me to the hospital, held my hand while they put in stitches, then tucked me into my own bed before even going home to change.  You let me call you at five in the morning to talk about my boner-nightmare and you didn’t even seem to think it was weird. Without loving me, you’ve been better to me than my own family.”  Hux’s mouth fell slightly open, but Kylo gave him no chance to speak. “I don’t need you to love me, Hux. I just need you to _see_ me, ‘cause I think you might be the only one really looking.”  Kylo tried to rub his watering eyes without smearing his makeup and mostly succeeded.

“Oh Kylo,” Hux said. “You’re easy to look at. The longer I look the more there is to see.” Kylo could feel himself blushing again.  Hux looked a bit pink too.

“See? You’re gonna be great at this boyfriend thing, you already say such nice things about me.”

“You-- I’m not going to change your mind about this, am I?”

“No,” Kylo said simply. “If you don’t want to, say that and I’ll leave you alone.  But if you’re just worried about fucking up, take it from a fuck-up like me--some people can handle a lot more than you would think to throw at them, for someone they care about. And…” Kylo ducked his head, looked at his shoes again, “...I care about you, Hux. I like you an awful lot.  So just give me a fucking chance.” He couldn’t bring himself to look up, to bare his face while waiting on Hux’s answer.

“You have to remember that I warned you,” Hux said, and he sounded _wrecked_ , like he was seconds away from falling apart entirely.

“I’ll remember.” Kylo said. “I promise.”

“Then I guess you have a boyfriend,” Hux said in an odd flat tone, then let out a laugh that sounded like a sob. “ _I_ have a _boyfriend_ ,” Hux said very quietly, and Kylo heard the wonder in his voice and just had to kiss him, pressed their lips together gently.  Hux stared at him through the entire kiss. Kylo decided he kind of liked that.

**Author's Note:**

> The dream Kylo describes involves both vivisection and sex under circumstances where Kylo's consent is irrelevant. Later on Hux displays a great deal of internalized prejudice when describing his own sexual and romantic orientation. It's enough that I found that to be the most uncomfy part of the fic for me, more than the gore.


End file.
